08.24.2010
White Luxury Silk
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Premeditation- attempt at an allegory poem, please critique (:?
This is still the rough draft version, I particularly want to do stanza one over. Just wondering if anyone thinks it's worth expanding on, or revising, or not. Let me know what you think! Thanks :]
Premeditation
Oh!I've finally done it,
that silk-lined casket, luxury
wasted on your wasting husk, nerves
frost-bitten, numb to the texture.
You'll dissolve to yellowed bones-
cemetery-cured, soon enough.
Picked apart by scavengers.
Asphyxiation-
ten anniversaries later. Patient cunning,
When a man's reputation
is his oxygen, it's too easy
to collect private bedroom utterances,
publicize, and lodge them in the back
of his throat.
You can thank that salty musk,
pungently lingering
on your skin each night, blotted
by our sheets. No effort, even slight
to mask it. No Lily-white sympathies
will grace your plot now.
Sounds like blackmail.
Or revenge of some kind. I like it as it is.
If you feel the need to re-work the first stanza, you're well within your rights to do so.
It can only get better.
Keep Writing.
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