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SUICIDE ATTEMPTS? PLEASE HELP?
When people say stuff like.. ive attempted suicide before... I dont get what they mean.. like how close they were...
Before i have taken an overdose of about 25 paracetamol wrote suicide notes then hoped not to wake up.. but i did an nothing happened.
I get urges every night to hang myself and i normaly get my letters out tie knots with my belt an just stand there with it round my neck not knowin whether to push the chair outa the way..
I like to sit by the side of the railway track an think about jumping in front of them... Ive gone to several times..
Ive also contemplated jumping from a multi storey car park about 3 times...
If this is how it works with suicide attempts... Wouldnt that mean ive attempted more than a 100 times?
I actualy dont understand....
Please Help?
BTW no one knows about these attempts apart from one friend and i dont have anyone to talk to about it.
I think a doctor might make a difference between setting it up but not taking the necessary act and taking the necessary act. But an important point here is that I don't know. Neither does anyone else who isn't a professional in the matter.
If you live in a city of over maybe 250,000 people, there is definitely more than one place you can go for free (at least for a time) and anonymous (unless they think you are nearing an actual "taking the necessary act" stage) professional help. If you like, email me through Answers (So you keep your anonymity, though that 1,500 character limit is aggravating!). I will look through the local services here and make suggestions of the same sort for you to look for in your area.
If you live in a smaller city, there will be a lower likelihood of free, anonymous professional help. However, even the smaller city near me has four colleges/universities in it (and I don't mean cr*ppy ones like the "College of 431 12th Street, Upper Floor"). And colleges often have programs meant for their students but might provide you help, at least in finding a similar program for you.
Countrysides are tougher. Without the means to travel some, you really can't reach anything. I would suggest asking a guidance counselor as they certainly would know of anything available, but they can't keep the secret. And if you go in asking "for a friend, not for me" they either won't believe that, they'll think it is the one friend who is close enough to know, or they will be legally bound to hound you until you tell them it's you, or give a name of someone else.
In addition, ministers and priests are often familiar with programs. If you can bear talking to one about it. They also usually have had some degree of training themselves, though they will often frame their help in terms of faith and greater powers. Might be more than you can stand. But something to think about.
Except for the actual professionals and their clerical staffs, anyone you tell will be in a fix of sorts. Some, like teachers and guidance counselors, will have a legal duty to report the situation. Others may have a moral or ethical duty and may or may not report to anyone. A family friend or relative might feel in this category. Others might just not be willing to take the chance they'd feel terrible the rest of their lives if you did it successfully. Some, like me, know we haven't the expertise to be doing you a definite favor by not pushing you to seek professionals but won't report you to anyone either.
My own "take" on your situation is that you are well past the point of not being serious, or simply flirting with the idea. I think you'd be focused on how people would regret you being gone if you were back there. You don't seem actually as close to jumping in front of a train or out of the parking deck, and why not is perhaps important to what you want and what might happen next. However, you have taken the drug, whatever paracetamol actually is, so... I definitely believe you are past the point of simply "growing out of it." (Growing out of it covers a lot of territory. One area is that most girls seem to undergo a period of extreme focus on their weak points (real or imagined) in their physical beauty. They simply can't imagine how they can ever resolve them. And six months later, they are past it, nothing's different except that their minds just no longer focus and fret about the subject. It was just a speedbump and they are over it.) You list no reasons, just the focus on the act of suicide and I think that's very revealing and suggests you will do it someday if you don't find a professional.)
I would be happy to write you, talk to you, offer whatever I might. But you have to believe me when I say, hard and obnoxious as it might turn out to be, a professional, with or without your family and friends/acquaintances/classmates learning about it, is the sole decent hope way forward.
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